Good days my dear readers,
As you noticed, I haven’t wrote anything personal for a while. I just keep writing things about movies, TV series or books. But as long as I delay this moment, after effects will be worse then I thought.
This is my last year at the university. You might know what I’ve been through for 4 years. I am a computer engineering student who tries to start a life. Like everybody else I have my own dreams. When you ask a senior student at his/her last year at the university, he/she will answer you the basic needs first, such as a good job which brings an acceptable salary, a nice car, a nice house and maybe then a life partner. I want these thing, like everybody does.
I want to work on something I love, I want to have a nice car, I want friends who understand me. After that, what else remains? I want to travel somewhere far, I want to see new things. Believe me, I’ve been studying for 16 years now. I want to have all these things. Everybody deserves these things who studied that hard.
But after some time (in my case, 20 minutes of accelerated day-dreaming), I see that nothing is gonna happen by itself. It would be so good if it happens by itself. Obviously, it won’t.
So I made my mind. I made a plan for escape. Here are some details.
- There are several exams which determines attendees proficiency levels, nation-wide. I will attend 2 of those exams. First one is for foreign language level, the other one is for academic proficiency (Academic Personnel and Postgraduate Education Entrance Exam). Their results are valid for 2 years.
- I am taking these exams because of two things. The first one is the possibility that I can choose to go a different path from just developing codes. I always wanted to do something different. I might study on something which might help me on a different job matter. Maybe in archaeology or biotechnology. Computer science is a wide area, you would be surprised. But a PhD is necessary. It might save my life. The second one is that the huge help to be able to go abroad. Universities want to see how good you are (by checking my exam results. above) to give you money to go abroad and study. Going abroad is a huge opportunity.
- The exams I were talking about also provides something else but Postgraduate Education. I want to work in The Ministry of Foreign Affairs as an expert on computer and telecommunication area. The ministry checks the results and arranges interviews with the persons who has enough degrees in these exams. B+ is an enough degree to be acceptable for interviews.
After all these preparations, I still believe I can make it. I am experienced on many different areas from project management to making speeches. I am not even including my developer identity. I have this stupid talent about knowing every little unnecessary detail. Well, I survived a lot of things during the past 5 years. I seriously believe that I am the man for the job. Why not?
But here is the problem (I hardly came to the problem).
I am sick and tired of my life. There is no other kind way to say this. I am finished. I can’t even find the strength to get up from my bed or go to my bed. Or to do the exact same thing every day over and over again.
It’s all the same. I am going to university, doing the same things, coming back to home and doing some other stuff or whatever I supposed to do and going to bed. It is all the f**king same. I am sick of it.
I’ve been joining nation-wide competitions for 2 years. I am sick of it but I have to have something to boost up my CV. I have one nation degree (I became in the 2nd place on a Microsoft challenge called Imagine Cup-2012) but it’s not enough. I need more.
I don’t like the city that I’m living in. It’s too cold and I’m not used to living in cold (it’s been 4 years and I’m still having trouble about cold weather). I just don’t want to be here any more. I know there are just a couple of months left but I just want to start a new life, right now.
It’s OK. I’m gonna be just fine.
God, what a relief. Even writing these things on a blog makes it clear.
Anyways. You got my point. It’s been difficult for me. Now I finally see the end. I just don’t know what’s gonna happen after graduation. I’ve always been studying about things and taking exams. I only worked for 3 months as an official employee. It was just a summer job and it was a huge matter for me because of the EU connection.
We will see what happens next.